Bras & Shhh…

Posted bymudsmitPosted inUncategorizedTags:, , , , ,

At 21, I married an Indian Army Captain. The Captain was then posted in Uri, J&K and the second phase of my bras started, the unhygienic journey of my undergarments. The first one was related to being starved of bras. Reason of course “Shhh…”

Phase 1

When I was a teen, I found it very difficult to get my first bra. While the nuns in my school found me big enough for bras, my mother never noticed. Maybe she was tired of raising my three elder siblings. At 48, she was searching for her soul and I was desperately looking for my first bra.

Yes, my father was also there and so were my two elder brothers. But they were certainly not raised to even talk about bras. That is how we raise our kids – eager to push our boys to hold the content and shy away from the container.

My mousy effort to get a bra continued. And then we were given farewell from school in our tenth grade. The dress code was Saree. That was the time when someone at home realised that I needed a bra. My saviour was my sister who happened to be nine years elder to me but never realised I am entering adolescence. “Shhh…”

My elder sister shared her bra so that I could put on a blouse for the school farewell. At twenty-eight, I was happy with size thirty-four. Fortunately, after my tenth grade I was on my own! Starved of bras, I got into this habit of overstuffing my closet. I took advantage of being in a girls’ hostel of a girls’ college to overcome inhibitions attached to bras.

But oh well – little did I know that after marriage, my bras will seldom see sunlight. Uri was all boys station. Only few ladies were permitted for short durations. The problem was drying of undies. I didn’t want to scandalise women deprived men with my bras. So again. “Shhh…”

Phase 2

My husband’s clothes went to the washerman. My clothes also went to the washerman, but minus my undies. But all wasn’t lost, I received undies drying suggestions:

“Put them out and cover them with towel.”

“Put them in washroom towel rack.”

And the most conservative being:

“Put them on washroom towel rack and cover them with towel.”

I followed none. As it is my undies were feeling lonely without my husband’s. My first few days at my in-law’s place had pleasantly seen my new man contributing to all the daily chores. When I was struggling with our breakfast, he was taking care of our clothes. First day, just as he started to put undies under the sun, my mother-in-law rushed to shut the main gate. She came back and unhappily rattled off, “It’s fine that you wash your wife’s undies but at least close the door when you’re spreading them!” And again. “Shhh…”

With heavy heart, bidding adieu to my beautiful memories of the Sun, I dried my bras in front of fan room heater and tried to be happy. If only all the sons like my husband had helped their mothers in their daily chores, my undies would have seen the light of the day instead of the threat of the bacteria.

Phase 3

After ten long years of wait, finally my undies found a friend. One fine morning, I saw his briefs coming back from clothes washing area. Men in uniform had suddenly discovered that for personal health, briefs should be washed at home. Empathetically, I raised my two children.

Once, while unpacking my daughter’s bag I shouted “Gudiya I am not able to find your bras” and she…….

Published by mudsmit

An Educator with experience of teaching in various Army and Public Schools. A Tree-Hugger & A New Naive Blogger

131 thoughts on “Bras & Shhh…”

  1. Nice selection of topic ,considering the fact that it is still considered a taboo not only in small towns but big cities too, …. it is just the mindset that has been developed and passed down through generations probably because women have been considered as objects of sex and anything that enhances this objectivity is considered to be a stigma/taboo.
    Leave alone bras hanging outside even if the strap or the outline is visible underneath the translucent clothing, itis considered a shame.
    But this mindset needs to change, we cannot carry it at the cost of our health .
    Hopefully the younger generation will be better off if we do not impose our mindset on them.
    Nicely written article in an interesting way.

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  5. This reminds me of my experience as well….. as I was growing up,I was very fascinated with that object and waited when would I get a chance to wear it. Fortunately or unfortunately i was the eldest so there was no one to tell me how to get it and where to get it?
    ……. the same story as your mother’s as we were half a dozen! When I saw some girls buying those sasta wala bra, I also got one ! It was substandard one but anyways it gave me a vow feeling and I was happy that now I have joined the band wagan of big girls.Over a period of time , it got yellow and the straps did not remain supportive enough,though I still wore it.Finally my younger sister who stayed in the Carmel hostel told me about a good quality libertina bra and I really felt stupid , but nevertheless it elated me and I continued wearing the same throughout.
    But the greatest regret I have till date ………. it was a big event of my life it was my marraige occasion and I could not buy myself a set of new undies and wore the same old one, although I had lots of expensive clothes other than a pair of new bras and panty ….forget designers !!!

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  7. So well thought & written about universal issue of ladies under garments… washing, drying & so many other things … through which every girl or woman goes… feels embarrassed… or made to feel embarrassed ….
    Though our society is going through a change… but miles & miles to break such taboos…
    Kudos to Smita Chandra to brave & take this issue.

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  8. Interesting anecdote….so relatable…liked the way you ended it..could smell progressivism, uninhibited and modern upbringing…being a Mom of two daughters, I have brought them up in a way that they don’t have to hesitate in touching the topic with their Dad, if need be, without being labeled shameless

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  9. Smita, reading your article I travelled back in time. Yes, it was a big issue then. Boobs more than bras. Unfortunately, mine started to grow at a fast pace. Well, I was told it was a sign of bad character. Frankly at that tender age of 13 I did not know the meaning of “character” too well. So, relatives would gossip, she must be thinking about boys, hence the growth. Genes and body types never occurred to them. So, my grandma came up with a brilliant device. The tailor was told to stich short ganji of cotton, few sizes smaller than my body. Every morning, it was a major struggle trying to wear it before putting on my uniform shirt. God only knows, but it did flatten my boobs in a very funny manner. Later, when my mother came to visit me, (I lived with my grandparents), she saw me struggling and decided to buy me a bra.
    Now about your story, you write beautifully my dear, continue doing so. Enjoyed it very much.

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    1. so well conveyed…👏👏It’s not only parents but the society. May be society had only seen dicks growing at the very thought of females 😂.. sometimes our society is so logical 😁😂

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  10. Beautifully or rather shall I say truthfully written. Reading the article and the comment I felt rather relieved .. thank God I was not the only one experiencing such awkward moments.. some where from deep down the past memories came flooding back..

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  11. So well written. It’s a commonly used tabboo still in our society as if half of the population on this earth is blissfully unaware that the other half needs undergarment of different shapes to hold on the private parts and it’s ok to keep them clean and hygienic.

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  12. Smita,I cld relate to each and every word of the article….I don’t know when will they see the light of the day..haa.haaa…haa..and the story goes on…..shhhhh….

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  13. Wonderfully expressed feelings of Indian girls. Looking forward to many more articles in future .I think all the ladies can relate to such a topic .

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  14. Wow! Smita
    What a pleasant surprise!!!
    Never read anything written so bluntly considering the choice of topic.
    But I must say its the truth.
    Hiding our washed undergarments under the towel and leaving it to dry for the fear of being noticed. Yes, I can relate to your thoughts and I am sure many more would . A bit has changed but not the entire stigma.
    Very well put across.
    Waiting for more…..

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  15. …very interesting article, you have read the mindset of a common Indian girl, more over with fauji prespective. I could relate it ,at so many places. Happy read.

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  16. Excellently articulated article on one of the objects to be connnected even today with feminism. I could as well relate my own experiences.The first time I had a bra was when I was in Std Nine….felt as if it was the most precious possession .You all will be surprised to know that the first bra was of Swapna Jha,my dear friend.When I had to wear a sari for being crowned Miss Carmelite…. I had the sari,blouse etc but no bra.My Swapna got her bra for me!

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  17. The article seems to be very realistic. In our society the open reference about UG’s is still considered a taboo.The piece of cloth which should be the most hygienic and important is given the least value. Beautiful written article. Relate to each word written in the article

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  19. Hi Smita ,,, very well and interestingly written article and the topic with which everyone is familiar with .It seems a common story of undies of our time .They seldom were left alone .Let alone see the sunlight .I can correlate to sooo many things Uri .Army and of course with household with brothers .It was an interesting read .Keep it up .Beautifully written .

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  20. Hiii Smita ,Very wellwritten about the sob story of our undies back in our time ,,,, could correlate to many of those being in Army .Uri and household with brothers .Our undies were never left alone leave aside to bask in sun ….You chose a universal topic where everyone could add something to it .Keep it up .

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  23. Well done Smita. You have made me walk 55 years back. Yes all the responses that has been shared with you Repeats the same history. But this thoughtful Subject Of yours will certainly bring a change into the direction of the wind blowing for sooooo many years in this society. Hope comment box gets thoughts from other genders too.
    Keep coming up with more of OUR challenges. God bless.

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    1. Things have improved but as you said a lot more has to be addressed.. who would know better than you. Your relentless effort towards destitute speaks volumes 🙏🙏

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  24. Wow! This is taking me down the memory lane. I think our generation has had this problem of bra starving. Having two bras were pure luxury at that time. Infact, I remember moms were frequently called in by school teachers because most girls were lacking bras. The was an attitude to showing ‘care’ by convent school teachers; ‘show off’ is a better word for it 🙂 Second part is also interesting and true. Thank you for challenging this age old notion against women, by women.

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  26. It is really nice topic…..every Indian ladies are facing the same this situation. We need a turn around in our thinking. People should accept the fact that it is merely a piece of cloth. Well written …..

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  27. Hi smita , an unusual topic which can not be discussed publicly , u chose to be brave and bring it out ; kudos for that. Yes totally could relate to it and actually at times i use to sun my undies when no one was around , least i get fungal infection…….overall a good read and a step forward.

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  28. Hello Smita,
    So ‘ BRA -ve ‘ of you to discuss such a shh -shh topic !! We can very well relate to this… right from the nuns reprimanding us to wear a bra in school to where and how to dry the stuff !!
    Well from the very beginning I’ve shown my bra and shh to the Sun 😂😂without a fail and encourage all the girls and ladies of my family to do the same .
    Overall a very well written article that was relatable and made a good read 😊😊

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  29. Beautifully written.
    However as per my experience most of the men are not interested in what we do and how we do it, it all comes down to us as women who at each and every point will try to point out these things as mistakes in other women.
    We have to understand first that it is not necessary to carry forward our believes and judge others according to that.

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  32. Kudos Ma’am,
    Again a brave Army wife who has brought things to Light. It needs more than the brilliance of the Sun to disinfect the Minds of Men , than kill the bacteria in underclothes.
    Without displaying unwanted interest in a taboo topic I feel that the present generation Moms of Sons can bring about better change by discussing this topic than the resultant Angst when discussed with daughters alone.
    Hope this change in mental hygience becomes as universal as the physical hygience which has become the new Normal during the current Pandemic.
    Will be sharing in other groups to garner Respect for Women.

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  33. Bra, Panties and sex. This is what comes to any female or male. I think each and everyone of us struggled with so many issues which were similar to this one. The worst part is still men will find it difficult to digest such issues. When they read such article what comes in mind is sex They fail to see the trauma of living in unhygienic conditions or heavy breasts without support can be so painful etc. Why only males, still many women wont like to read such articles as 🤫 has become a way of life. Males whenever they want, they speak for themselves but a lady speaking for herself is still🤫 Brave article written in humorous style👍

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  36. Beautifully written Smita . I am sure a lot of army wives will relate with this especially ones who have stayed in fd areas albiet for a short period . Even today in Indian male centric families the taboo still exists where the women stretches to search inconspicuous places to dry BPs . Luckily the advent of high tech WMs have reduced the agony in the cities but the the problem still exists for the army wives to brave in field postings Excellent rundown with a toast of humour . A great start for a novice blogger . Tagra Raho

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  37. It’s different in my case, I never found anything odd with my wife’s undies soaking in the sun after a bath and I happened to be the first person helping my teenage daughter shop for her first few sets without either of us feeling shy …and yet my wife still hesitates from shopping in public view….I just hope we raise our boys and girls better in handling such shopping events.

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  38. Good / interesting read Mitu… brought back lots of memories of how we were raised….it is so different now especially here in America girls have NO inhibitions even my introvert daughter will have discussions on all these topics… her undergarments her periods etc at our dinner table with her father🙄🙄 and when i ask her to be discreet she gives me funny and confused looks and her dad too encourages her to talk openly on everything no Shhhh….allowed.

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  39. Absolutely loved it Ma’am! Can only imagine the embarrassment and trauma many ladies would probably be going through on such a simple and everyday issue…
    Ladies Undergarments remain an object of fascination for many men/boys! I am sure most women would have faced issues of vanishing UGs from clotheslines!
    But wonderfully written Ma’am and I have further shared it on a lot of our groups..Talking about it hopefully removes the perceived taboo for a few ladies

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  40. Nice re-cap of bra in Indian psyche. However a more fundamental question is, are bras necessary or accessory? Are they any imposition? Or are they a necessary evil? Would love a debate on the issue as well as contribution of bra to sexualization of female breasts.

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  41. Hi Smita. Having shared my time in college with you, I am not surprised (but very happy) on reading this beautifully written article. Jo kehte hai na, hum imagine kar sakte hai Smita kaise bol rahi hogi 😄 You have taken a routine yet undiscussed topic and brought it out of the wardrobe 😂 Bohot saara pyaar aur shubhkamnayein. 💐 👍

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  42. Ma’am, It’s a very well written article. Selection of topic is women specific but it’s a reality even today, through this article you have tried to bring this problem in public domain in a humorous and most sophisticated way. Am pretty sure the message given by you will be well received. I have fwd the blog link to my children and to few friends. Warm Regards and TR

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  43. Ma’am, It’s a very well written article. Selection of topic is women specific but it’s a reality even today, through this article you have tried to bring this problem in public domain in a humorous and most sophisticated way. Am pretty sure the message given by you will be well received. I have fwd the blog link to others. Warm Regards and TR

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  44. Kudos Smita for boldly taking up such an unusual and discreet subject. Your uncanny narratives take us back in time. Most of us have gone through those puzzling n unsettling experiences. But thankfully we are changing for better as the ‘Transition generation’ happily supporting co-education and gender equality. Today’s teens are more confident and aware of their needs, rights and choices. ‘Bra burning’ is finally catching up.

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  46. Excellent read… Mrs Prakash. Very thoughtful. It’s so true. I just travelled back in time. As a young officer’s wife, we all had similar experiences. I could totally relate to it. Waiting for more.. Mrs Prakash.. Regards

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  47. First of all Mrs.Chandra ..I must congratulate you for choosing such a relatable topic which though a routine ;unfortunately is a taboo even now and kept under a lot of hushhh hushhh by us all….i think almost all of us at some point or the other have faced this and still coping with it…you have so boldly and nicely put in the plight of women in a very humorous way I must say…this had been there and passed on to generations like a legacy…and this discussion again titilates our brain making us think what we want to do…do we also pass it on and keep sshhhh or change our mindset and give the younger ones a free hand to change this and cope with it in their own better way…it was really interesting as i went on reading and wanted more when it ended keeping the suspense….loved reading Mrs.Chandra and looking forward to more such interesting reads and discussions from you soon…Regards

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  48. Heartiest congratulations Mrs Chandra..
    Very well articulated . Everyone of us can actually relate with this. A true masterpiece.
    Looking forward to many more such articles in future..

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